Euphonium / Baritone Jokes

Q: What do you call a professional euphonium player who doesn't play in a military band?
A: Unemployed.

Q: What do you call a euphonium player with a pager and a cell phone?
A: Optimistic.

Q: Why was the baritone invented?
A: Someone thought the tuba should have a baby.

Q: How many euphonium players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: What the heck is a euphonium??

Q: What's the grading scale for the quality of a baritone?
A: New, Hit by Bulldozer Once, Hit by Bulldozer Twice, Good for Parts.

Q: What do you do if you run over a baritone?
A: Back up and hit it again, just to make sure.

Q: What's the difference between a euphonium player and a large pizza?
A: A large pizza can feed a family of four!

Q: How do you keep a euphonium player in suspense?
A: Don't bother cutting him out of the tree.

Q: What instrument does the stupidest member of the band play?
A: Drums, but if that's too hard, they can always try euphonium.

Q: What's the difference between a dead euphonium player and a dead snake?
A: The snake died on its way to a gig.

Q: How many baritone players does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, we think. We've never really bothered to notice when they change lightbulbs.

Q: How do you get a euphonium player to play fortissimo?
A: Write "pp, espressivo"

Q: What's the difference between a euphonium and a drink machine?
A: With the drink machine, you might actually get a Hi-C.

Q: Why don't euphonium players play hide-and seek?
A: Nobody would bother to look for them.

Q: What is the difference between euphonium players and baritone players?
A: Baritone players don't always whine about how they don't play Euphonium.

Q: How many euphoniums does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to hold the bulb and one to do breathing exercises until the room spins.

Q: What do you call a really bad trumpet player?
A: A treble clef baritone.

Q: How do you get ahold of a baritone player?
A: Eu-phone-ium.

baritone n: 1. vocal: someone who didn't make it as either a tenor or a bass; 2. instrumental: someone who didn't make it as either a tuba or a trombone; 3. a tuba that shrunk in the wash; 4. a trombone with taste; 5. an easier spelling of the word "euphonium."

euphonium n: a baritone that knows somebody

Top five reasons not to play the euphonium:
5: Not being allowed to play in a jazz band or a full orchestra.
4: Having to explain the differences between a baritone and a euphonium when you're really not sure yourself.
3: Having to hit both really high notes and really low notes.
2: Having to explain why your "tuba" is smaller than the rest.
1: No one knows what the heck it is.

Did you hear about the euphonium player who was so out of tune, his section noticed?